Two Men One Night
I was raped by two men in one night. Their names were Coco and Fresh, or at least that’s what they told me. Sometimes I wonder what their birth names were or if their mothers ever thought that their baby boys would grow up to be rapists when they gave them those names. Those who argue to define rape may feel the need to argue with me on whether or not this was rape. But for me it was. It was rape to my 16 year-old self that night and the morning after. It is still rape to my 29 year-old self tonight and tomorrow morning. So I’m not going to argue with any of you. This is my truth. Some could say: I was too young. I drank too much. My skirt was too short. I knew them too little. I was asking for it. True. I’ve said the same things to myself, every day. Some could say: They were young, too. They drank too much. They didn’t mean any harm. They thought it was ok. True? Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m not here to make excuses for them anymore. Let me humor some for a moment. For a moment I will let some be right (the same way I “let” this happen to me”). Let’s paint a picture together. Paint a picture of fact and circumstance. Let us assume this is all true: I was too young. I drank too much. My skirt was too short. I knew them too little. I was asking for it. They were young too. They drank too much. They didn’t mean any harm. They thought it was ok. Does this justify it? If so, answer me this: When did you get the idea that my 16 year-old female body was yours to fondle? At what point of ‘too drunk’ slurs “Yes, I want you inside of me?’ How many inches of skirt says, “hike it up” and have your way with me? How little do I have to know someone to “let” them rape me? Should I ask to be fucked against my will politely? With a please and thank you?? When will you be old enough to know that getting a girl so drunk, to where she needs to lie down, and proceeding to lie on top of her and fulfill your fucked up fantasies inside of her is meaningful harm? When will you be sober enough to understand that going in after your friend is done with her, locking the door, and fucking her from behind is never ok? He knew it was never ok, because he never looked at me. I was never too young. I never drank too much. My skirt was never too short. I never knew them too little. I was never asking for it. They were never too young. They never drank too much. They never, ‘meant no harm.’ They never thought it was ok. He knew it was never ok, because he never looked at me. Well the time has come motherfuckers. The time has come to look at me. And look at her and her and them and us. Because we are all looking at you. And we see you. And you can no longer hide behind your street names or your excuses. Because it never was, never is, and never will be ok. And because your mamas never imagined their baby boys would grow up to be rapists.