getting hit on in the movement

*Disclaimer:  This is for those men (youknowwhoyouare – even if you don’t have a clue)
Believe it or not
I didn’t come here to meet you holdingbackthemovement men.
The dreams of a woman 
run in rivers 
and that’s what brought me.
Some of these holdingbackthemovement men don’t understand when I say
“I’m not interested”
As in:
I got a path I’m on and you’re standing in my way.
Never never gonna sleep in your bed!
I refuse to suffocate in your blindness.
Some of these holdingbackthemovement men got some egos like
Gaping Holes
filled with fantasies and distortions
and they let the testosterone swell until they can’t distinguish how oppressive they are.
So they block our paths, distract us with endless propositions, and imagine that their self-proclaimed hero status is alluring.
They bog us down and flood us, leaving us always to watch our backs while continuing our work, despite them.
For those women who show interest in these holdingbackthemovement men – and who have that certain appeal
Well – how thesemen line up for you!  Ready to fulfill your every(sexual) wish.  Eager!
Still, most of us could not deign to be interested in thesemen who
Block the sun
Hold back the torrents of change
Spell out with smug lips how our daughters’ daughters should live in oppression
Shackle us while imagining they recognize freedom
Stain our very lives.
I want respect from my comrades, not harassment, not fantasy, not games, and not 
a notch
I want to elevate and work with elevators, souls on their way up, on their way in the path
One of my dreams is men in the movement, who the first time they saw me,
saw my dreams
not their own concerning me,
and became TheseGreatMen 
…Where did they go?  
They were so many
We still remember them and wait for their return.

13 thoughts on “getting hit on in the movement

  1. The parts that rang the most true to me were the “I got a path I’m on and you’re standing in my way.” describing how thesemen fail to see the aspirations and goals of women in the movement. As well as “distract us with endless propositions” where thesemen seem desperate to lead and unquestioningly confident in their ability to do so.

  2. Men from certain races do not know how to relate to women other than to flirt with them. Why is that? What is in their culture?

      • Why is it prejudiced? It is my observation.
        And why is xenophobic — cultures have different attitudes to women. That is what you are saying in this blog malintzine — that Mexican American are oppressing Mexican American women?

      • she’s not saying that @jean. you’re misunderstanding that and the blog entirely. there is oppression, not just from mexican guys but all guys and not just guys but mainstream feminist too who marginalize or gloss over brown women’s experiences and values. it feels worse though because the ethnic studies movement is supposed to be unified but even within that struggle there is oppression from people who look, talk, value and experienced the same things as you (speaking as a chicana) and sometimes that is what hurts the most because they should be the closest and the most understanding and often times you find out they are like everybody else.

  3. the worst was getting hit on by the organizer from out of town. i felt like i was being stalked around the school board meetings so i just decided not to go to anymore for a while.

  4. Fair enough, Juli@, I accept your explanation. But my impression might be telling — am I the only reader thinking that many of the posts here are about hating on Mexican American guys? Perhaps there are others who are misunderstanding the blog entirely.
    Second, @malintzine, my reaction to being called ‘prejudiced’ or ‘xenophobic’ is not one of getting shut down. It does not open me up to dialog. If I am misunderstanding perhaps a better way to draw people out and getting them to understand is to ask, “Why do you feel that way? What is the root of that?”
    Do you see what I mean? Being called ‘prejudiced’ or ‘xenophobic’ feels like an attack to me. It hurts, and as you might have heard ‘hurt people hurt’. But I am your ally – I am on your side. Perhaps there are better responses to these type of comments. I came up with a couple above but you might have better ideas than me.

    • @Julia: The movement is something very broad, people throughout the world are participating. Unfortunately patriarchy is still strongly used by many men within the movement. So getting hit on in the movement is about that and speaks to all men who participate in this behavior. (White, Black, Arab, Mexican……. etc. etc. etc……..)
      This blog gives women (much needed) space to share their experiences and support each other. These experiences are universal in many ways, and transcend boundaries because of women’s shared experiences. It’s important to understand the deeper implications of women’s liberation. We are not “hating on Mexican American men.” We want those men (and all men) to be our brothers, and to liberate themselves as well. For the men who refuse to liberate themselves and stop oppressing us, well of course need to protect ourselves against them and support each other in this protection.

      • @getting hit on: It is interesting that you should bring up White, Black, Arab and Mexican, etc. Speaking specifically with respect to getting ‘hit on’ – which is flirtation, sexual advances. I will rank the probability that I will get hit on by men of these races in this way: Black, then Mexican, then White/Arab.
        So that is what I am talking about. I am more likely to get hit on by men of certain races than others. “Machismo” is Latin American (I believe, but I don’t know). Part of it seems to be ‘hitting on women.’ Hitting on women is part of masculinity in some cultures (more than others).
        BTW , please can you make discussion threads easier to follow. Thanks!

  5. @Jean – Please read This Bridge Called our Backs. There’s nothing more to say. No time to waste trying to explain.

    • I might read it. I am not sure. You are missing a critical opportunity to convert me here. All because you have no time to explain.

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