Mack Daddy Lopez, Tucson

(To those brothers all along the spectrum of time
who stood alongside us
and if even they fell got back up and joined to our sides,
who know the depth of a woman,
and who we find even in this age, beside us:
A Million Million Gratitudes…….
The next poem is not for you.)
I twice slept with a man named Macky Lopez
I think a lot of women did
He’s a mack daddy penis-driven cunning man,
Revolution somewhere hiding beneath the piles he left of shit
He’s a predatory feel-sorry-for-me type
A misogynist tries-to-break-women man
He should have a sign around his neck like “Beware. Beware. Beware.”
He once told me he had the power to “really mess with people’s minds.”
He meant Power in the Indigenous sense. (..You hear me?)
He messed with mine. For damn sure.
He once said “straight is boring”
and by this he meant: a woman here, a woman there, let the chaos rule the hour.
He said he wouldn’t be with a white woman –
his particular quota of pain and fuckedupshit
is saved for the brown wombynsisters.
He showed me glimpses of love, care, and depth,
but they vanished so quickly I found myself chasing mists.
He made me crazy, and I hate the rage I spent on him.
I hate too its erasure, its silence –
used and abused.
( ! …Oh hell na. Hell no.)
Some people say that womanizers don’t love women
trying to I’s/(mine) her whiles they eyes her,
faking love for lust.
Some people say that a man trying should be given a chance
but sometimes you can tell they just ain’t trying hard at all
and their chance won’t be written on my back,
or on other sisters’ backs.
If a man ain’t trying let him be alone, and not be messing with us women.
Sometimes a man uses his Leader-ship like a Throne from which to get Access
Leader-ship getting him into schools, youth and health centers
Throne keeping him from accountability
Access leaving things ever open for him
I saw how easily he hid me, saw how he tried to isolate me from another woman victim.
What at first felt like energy was unmasked to be crazy manipulation
And it leaves me with so many concerns…
He says he’s a community worker but I guess I wonder
in what sense he’s working the community.
Once upon a time I thought I was falling in love with this misogynist – Me! ?? !!!?
What was the reason for my blindness? What blinded me from my Spirit?
This ? is full like this women’s movement is full, and getting deeper
!Praise be though! – my Spirit be strong and It called me back from the Grave! !
And I walked away.
Gave Thanks.
What I want to say: is you didn’t have the right to pursue me.
You didn’t have the right with her either.
Or her (or her, or her, or her….)
You don’t have the right to lie to women, fuck with lives and deny deny deny.
I wish I wrote your name out that’s how much I wanna protect
my future sister from the shit you put us through
But it’s not just you…
It’s not just your name.
And I hope you heal – find the courage to transform
And I want Revolution.
Revolution doesn’t just mean guns and takeovers. It means you stopping your bullshit.
It means all of us stopping our bullshit. Fighting our own demons.
What a battle! And a way to honor this life and our place within it.
I want Revolution.
And I want my Sisters to be safe.
I want my Sisters to be safe
I want my Sisters to be loved
I want my Sisters to have authentic care, respect, honor, trust, and love.
Everyone needs love, Everybody deserves it.
It seems the thing we miss the most sometimes these days.
I lived for many years with a great man and we loved from an infinite place
to an infinite place.
I know love, a blessing, and I sat under its tree so many days.
Deeply grateful, I want this for us all
Want Revolution
I write this for the Young Men:
May you turn from this man’s example.
Walk the Path, Bring the Health, Show the Respect
Be the Revolution in your Spirits
I write this for the Women:
May you Heal, Trust Yourselves, DeepStrongProud Sacred Spirits.
Walk the Path, Bring the Health, Show the Respect
Revolution in your Spirits
…Anyway, I count myself unlucky in many more ways than one
for having sex with that man cause it wasn’t even fun. (not at all)
It was a bit unnerving
You know what I mean?
Mack Daddy Lopez on the make, on the scene.

11 thoughts on “Mack Daddy Lopez, Tucson

  1. Pinche Cesar, Asi utilizando a las mujeres sinceras pa cojer y luego dejarlas? Cuantas mujeres has convencido que les quieres, que son especiales, que quieres quedar con ellas, nada mas para conquistarlas? Cuentame hombre, asi se conduce el hombre con respeto y amor para la comunidad?

    Fucking Cesar. Is this how he uses sincere women, to screw them and leave them? How many women have you convinced that you cared for them, they were special, and you wanted to be with them, for no other reason than to put another notch on your belt. Tell me hombre, is this how a man with love and respect for the community conducts himself?

  2. I think I understand this. There is a archetype, a narrative, of the community leader, the revolutionary, the freedom fighter, as womanizer. One man with a string of women, many wives, a harem. We are complicit in buying into it.
    But that is not the only narrative of the freedom fighter. There is also the revolutionary as celibate, renunciant, a transcendent — a great soul.
    Which do we prefer?

  3. “He’s a predatory feel-sorry-for-me type”…well, that could be a lot of men in the ethnic studies movement. A local blogger recently expressed that he gets racially profiled because he is dark and has a big belly. They love to tell stories where they are the victims of unjust racism but refuse to understand how Chicanas have to deal with racial injustice AND a painful misogyny.

  4. The comments above basically already said what I was gonna say. The “He’s a predatory feel-sorry-for-me type” also jumped out at me. There were so many elements of this story that could be applied to so many other stories I’ve heard, the similarities are incredible.

    The message and story of the poem was definitely it’s strength (whoever wrote this, know that your voice is being heard loud and clear). But there were also some very beautiful and clever poetic lines.
    Two of my favorites were
    -“He says he’s a community worker but I guess I wonder
    in what sense he’s working the community.”
    -and how this mujer described pursuing the glimpses of her partner’s love and depth as “chasing mists”

    I seem to have lots of favorite malintZINE posts, but this one is definitely one of them.

  5. “I’ve sworn off white women.” Do you know why? White women can see through his bullshit. They laugh at him. I know that it is not for lack of trying — there have been unwelcome advances. It is only the ‘brown’ women who are vulnerable (why is that?). And for that I am sorry.

    • Jean – please stop posting racist things. It is clear that you currently have many racist views, especially with regards to sex – which is quite unfortunate and to me demonstrates your likely age and the way you were taught growing up. It would be more appropriate if you ceased to mention race in your comments because when you mention it you are consistently being racist, which you cannot understand. This is not the place for these kinds of comments.
      White women are not clearer-seeing than Brown women. White men are not less of misogynists than Brown men. These very topics are actually addressed in This Bridge Called My Back, with analysis, contemplation, etc. If you choose not to educate yourself and read the book and continue to post ignorant racist sex-based comments you are exposing yourself as choosing to hold on to racist ignorant views and not really being an ally at all.

      • Sorry. You might need to write another poem to clear that up for me. Like state up front (this is not about white women, even though I mention brown women ..this is to preempt racist comments by old folks)

      • Jean, if thats really your name (is Jean code for DA? you sound just like him), go away. This is our safe space. Its like you don’t get it, you’re not even trying and keep coming back with more awful commentary.

  6. No I am not DA! I will try to clean up the commentary. Perhaps I really do not get it, and I need to go away. The reading list is awfully long and intimidating, and perhaps I never will be ‘decent’ as you put it.
    I really want to make one point, and it is not coming out in the right way. The author writes that “You had no right to pursue me”. I think among grown adults, we don’t all all have to fall prey to anyone who pursues us. Not all persons who are pursued (romantically) succumb. We can choose. Not everyone who Mack Daddy pursues responds to him. It is not irresistible. I think people who fall prey have some need or gap.

    If we have needs, gaps or delusions that blind us, that is not our fault. We can recognize them. Follow what is truly worth following, values that are universal. No amount of talk of skin color or oppression will ever take away my problems. My problems are existential problems and they need radical therapy.

    • Now the guy who everyone wants to shut up is a therapist? Not taking any kind of hint? Wow. (Does sound like DA..)
      Regressive “Jean” / “I just have one more thing to say” / Does sound like..

      To all the haters saying misogyny is women’s fault:
      Here’s a hint: Bullshit.
      Look in the mirror.

      !malintZINE! – Such a beautiful gorgeous thing….

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